i just dont get it.
its like u dont seem to care.
here i am, worried sick.
i havent heard from u in over a day.
i noe ur angry and hating me rite now.
but the least u could do was say ur ok.
im missing u so god damn much.
and all i ever wanted was for u to show me u care and love me in every single way.
no doubt i can be a bit demanding.
but so many things have changed and i just dont get it.
i question us sometimes.
but my hope and believe that u still love me keeps me tgt.
ur reactions to certain things i say or do puzzle me.
i just dont get it.
how is it ur so calm and cool while im here stabbing myself over the lil things.
how is it that it doesnt bother u da way that it bothers me.
do i pamper u too much?
have i spoilt u?
is it coz ur taking advantage of me?
im tryin so hard to see all this in a positive way.
but ur juz not helping.
no doubt u reassure me.
but at times when i need it the most.
i cant find you.
and u dont seem to want to be found.
all i have is wishful thinking.
and hoping u'll appear.
i wished and prayed so hard juz now.
wished and prayed that u'll appear at my door.
u used to surprise me in all sorts of ways.
now, the surprises i get arent often so much to smile about.
is this the same you i fell in love with?
or has that you gone and is never coming back?
no doubt ppl change.
things change.
i could get used to it.
but u juz have to tell me.
im not saying i dont love you coz ur different.
i still do.
with every bit of my heart and soul.
but its juz puzzling.
im sorry i made u angry.
but ur friends juz pissed me off.
things i saw lingered in my head.
things that hurt me never went away.
da sight of that BITCH pissed me off that night.
her fucked up face and the fact that she was there and i was not made me question alot of things.
it doesnt matter if she was there for u.
da fact that she was juz pissed me off.
ahh.
wadever.
its not like it matters anws.
fuck her.
god noes when u'll ever read this but its ok.
its a good chance for me to rant.
i still cant believe u havent called/msged.
i hope ur ok.
and i hope u still love me.
yes.
im uncertain.
i need that reassurance.
but yes.
ur missing.
im not being some psychopatic emofuck.
or mayb i am.
im juz expressing how i feel and hoping i get some response.
ahh.
wadever.
again.
not like it reali matters.
much love.
hugs and kisses.
lil`princess.samantha*
(:
xoxoxoxo
inlovewithyou-//*
2:42 am
me.myself.*
._x samantha.cheng*//samantha.leo-mckerrow*
._x EIGHTteen`` (: [years]-
._x princess.angel.baby.etc. >p //*;
._x 21 july 1nine8eight.//x
._x hpps || gmss || MI[tohtuck].``
._x bowling. tennis* ^^
+*hUgGiEs*+ iN tOtaL! HuG mi moRe! hee!*
+hUgGiEsSs+ hug mi! :P
geT uR oWn +hUgGiEsSs+!
upcoming events of february* (:
.x[o1] HAPPY FEBRUARY 2008! :D
.x[o7] CNY.
.x[14] VALENTINE'S DAY. <3
.x[14] nurus & luigi bday! [20]
.x[21] manda's bday! [19]
significant days* ((:
`x[1oo3o6] pu2 fun day! ((:
>>amazing race.sentosa.o5a3. campfire.garnet.dance.that thing you do.MI dance.i need to know.walk home.fallin star. ((:
`x[28o4o6] love. (:
>>town.bk.marina square.take the lead.west coast park.home. (:
`x[o7o7o6] LOVE.
>>lovesweetsweetlove.playground.love actually. HEARTS. ((: juz you and me. yes.yes. (:
`x[21o7o6] my 8teenth bday!! (:
>>phonecall.msgs.love. school.pressies.chocs.bag.songS.class.tennis.soccer. KAP.balloon.cake.watch.
dinner.flowers.bag.bears.ring.my humble house(esplanade).cake.phonecall. (((: LOVE.
`x[2112o6] PARTAYY @ MOS! (:
>>clarkequay.absolut.MOS.drink. r&b.dancedancedance.vodka redbull. bacardibreezer.dancedancedance.4++am.
`x[3o12o6] partay @ gallery! (:
>>check-in.getting ready.arrival.food.drinks.indian poker. soccer.drinks.music. cards.jenga.sleepover.check-out.
`x[3112o6] new year's eve! (:
>>meet the family! (:.peking duck.monopoly.cabride. esplanade.countdown.fireworks.love. harry's@esplanade.tiger.bus.cab.
`x[16o2o7] girls night out at DXO! (:
>>shopping.hm.clementi mrt@10++pm.cityhall. esplanade.DXO.drinks.dancedancedance. #11.3++am.hm.
`x[3oo6o7] sweetheart's 20th birthday! (:
>>call baby at 12mn!(: came over. slpt.wokeup. he went to work. shopping with jl in town.surprise baby at work. dinner at billybombers@7.30pm with sweetie.steak&milkshake for him.fish&chips&pinkpussycat for me. transformers@cine(:.back to baby's sis place.model.hm. (:
`x[o7o7o7] happy anniversary darlinggg! 1yr,365 days! + mos& PUNK'D!(:
>>meet baby.give him present. (: bus to town then to MOS.get chop.distract baby. PUNK'D sweetie! HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY DARLING!(: and happy anniversaryy! hee. <3
`x[21o7o7] my 9teenth birthday!(:
>>phonecall from jl&ful. (: phonecall from baby.slp. lunch with baby@hv.coldrock. SURPRISE!cake&ballooon! i got PUNK'D. :D hm.change.dinner@myhumblehouse(esplanade,again). kinglear with a.chris.then to MOS.change&PARTAYY! (:
`x[171oo7] graduation day!
>>breakfast and grocery shopping with baby for teacher's pressies.hm.pack stuff.jl.char.dory.came over to get readyy. (: but flowers.cab to sch.recieve prize.(: give out pressies.hm.change.NYDC@hv.zouk.(:
`x[2o11o7] THE END OF 'A'LEVELS.(: WOOOHOOO!
>>ITS OVER! (: bubbletea.cab to char's place.change.prepare everything.SURPRISE!cut cake.SURPRISE!give pressies.dinner.drinking game with coke.PEEEEEEE. to vivo.then all came over. played TABOO&watched tv.then they left. (:
`x[o112o7] trip to batam. (:
>>wake up at 6am after only slping at 430++. ): harbourfront ferry terminal.eat.check in.ferry.batam.busride.orphanage@rampang.setup.Mikel.cute 7yearold.lunch@kelong.holidayinn. check in.nap.busride to shopping centre.dinner@a&w. shopping@polo.back to hotel.slp.wake up@7. back to orphanage@rampang.party with kids.back to ferry terminal.miss ferry.eat.walk ard.ferry.CHOPPY waters. ): hm sweetsweet hm.call baby. baby came overr! (:
